I wonder if O Fortuna is in their hymnal

The Wittenburg Blog post about the broom duel at the Church of the Nativity notes two previous, similar incidents at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. This one in 2004 began with someone leaving a door open, and, as one might expect, led to five injuries. This one back in 2002 was sparked by someone moving a chair, and led to eleven injuries. It would appear that there is a list specifying the ownership of every damn thing in the church. I guess the chair was moved by someone from the wrong group, an offense punishable by concussion.

I have an urge to visit one of these churches and request a sermon on the topic of brotherly love.

Because of course Christians aren't supposed to be fighting each other. The properly Christian form of warfare occurs on a spiritual plane. Pope Benedict knows this well:

The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the rise of Satanism. Vatican chiefs are concerned at what they see as an increased interest in the occult. They have introduced courses for priests to combat what they call the most extreme form of "Godlessness." Each bishop is to be told to have in his diocese a number of priests trained to fight demonic possession.
[...]
The Vatican is particularly concerned that young people are being exposed to the influence of Satanic sects through rock music and the Internet.

Rock music? What is this, the 80s?

I especially like that picture accompanying the article, in which we see Pope B doing what he does best: look creepy. The caption says "Satanism on the rise", and I can't help but see him as looking up to salute it.

(Dawn thinks that Pope B wouldn't look nearly so creepy if it weren't for this scraggly teeth. I think she might have a point. We recommend that he get braces. Nothing looks less threatening than an old dude in braces.)